What I've Been Avoiding

I've been posting pictures, graphs, and videos because I don't feel like writing anything or rather, I'm too lazy to write down everything I've been wanting to say. I still have Swahili homework to do after this entry, and I'll probably wind up catching a bare minimum of five-hour sleep again so I'll be miserable tomorrow in class but I'm making myself type all this out anyway in case any of you people who actually read this blog won't think that I've gone and dropped off the face of this earth.

I've lost my motivation is all. No biggie.

Since May 2009 I've been stuck in a pit of academic apathy. No shovel, no way out. I could try climbing, but why would I want to escape? What would be the point? What I originally thought was this ambivalent moment I had back on April Fool's Day last year about going to college turns out to be a full-fledged disease that's eating me from the inside. I can't tell my parents. I can't tell them that I've downgraded from straight-As-honor-roll high school student to pot-smoking, rum-chugging college slacker. How would I explain the slow and steady process? The growing sense of listless ennui? The sleepless nights in front of the computer, pretending that I was in another dimension far away from real life?

Maybe I could show them this blog. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

I've written this post before. Last March, two weeks before I went home for Spring Break. I should go back and re-read it, see if the two are just different enough so that I don't sound too whiny and redundant. Well, even if I were, I wouldn't give a damn. No one comes by here unless they have absolutely nothing else to do.

I keep writing little lists-type posts because I'm afraid to let out what's really on my mind. Once my thoughts are on the interwebs, there's no going back. I can click on a link and read them. They'd be real, on the screen in front of me and for the rest of the world to see. I didn't want to face the music, but I am now. Three paragraphs in, and I still don't feel any better. I got to stop. There's homework to finish.