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Thursday, September 30, 2010

There is a Line and I Crossed It Ages Ago

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I Am Your Sappho

Warning: mushy, explicit letter up ahead.

~~~

I have not seen you since May. I did not think to give you a more meaningful goodbye because I thought I would come back for the fall. Instead, we hugged for the briefest of seconds (though I can still conjure up the feel of your jacket pressed against my very thin t-shirt), and then you abruptly let go in that curt way of yours that I cannot quite get enough of. If I could, I would store every smirk you throw at me and hoard every quizzical brow you raise in my direction. I would record your sharp-eyed cat stare and play it on the nights that macho men fantasies will not suffice in bringing me to orgasm.

Perhaps I am over-exaggerating the degree to which I long for you, but--really, now--can you blame me? I am neck-deep in the throes of my youth, all emotion and no thought, and someone dares come along to tell me that I am too overcome with desire for you, the first woman who has ever told me that it was okay for me to want her? Even though you will never reciprocate, there is no rule forbidding me to watch you from afar. Am I allowed that at least? There is so much to discover (and uncover and recover) from the breadth of your hands or the way you hold your shoulders when you laugh that I could weep from the embarrassment of such rich knowledge.

And sometimes my jealousy of your talents threaten to consume me. Your hands create art, create words, create music; all you do is create, a Goddess that never stopped on the Seventh Day. You are what I aspire to be, what I hope to be, what I dream to be. The sheer force and depth of your intellect could shame half the professors here, your creativity could rival the top tier of the published faculty, your character could outweigh the entire lower-classmen body. It angers me to think that there have been others, unworthy others, trying to learn all your secrets, both of flesh and mind.

Just give me a chance, and I would know you so completely that you will have thought that everyone else before me had been fumbling around with the map turned upside-down. I would kiss every talented fingertip, suck each delicate earlobe, trace every gentle curve on your unbearably soft skin, and stroke my way down to where your thatch of dark curls would be waiting. By the end of it, your mouth below would be as familiar with my tongue as the one on your face. This time, it is most definitely not my youth speaking for me. Your body is a world, and I intend to explore every inch.

I wrote this because it has been several weeks since my last entry about you. There have been many more musings, all incomplete, all unwritten, all forgotten in my poor attempts to curb my--obsession? Infatuation? I have not yet found an appropriate word to describe everything I have been feeling for the past two years. You will never know (could never know) how often I think about you, how frequently I imagine you with me, or how much I worship you at night--a fact that I grudgingly content myself with. So thus you remain my unrequited muse until this sweet, aching feeling has run its course.

But this is not something I want to be cured of.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Back Up, Freud

Various, random, wtf details I remember from my dream last night:

- a cathedral wherein a chase scene took place
- an exotic locale in China that was both isolated and not isolated. was it a resort town? it was nestled in a valley so no. but wtf was it?
- mrs. o' mara was there. i have no idea on this one but she was there to dispense sagely advice on various matters.
- ****** was there as the star of the show, i.e. the person i was hell-bent on sexing up. now i knew this had to have been a dream.
- the villains were these two young men i had never seen before in real life and one of them walked in on me while i was dropping a dream-deuce in dream-land. yeah i know shut up >_>
- i talked to Primary Villain #1 afterwards and insulted him in all manner of ways
- ****** and two girls who worked at the hotel we (group? i was with a group?) were all staying at took down Primary Villain #1, but right before i could initiate the sex scene he brushed me off in favor of one of the Action Local Girls. sigh, of course.

~~~

Conclusion: I so wanted to bone him that day, but thought better of it. And now my subconscious has been festering about it ever since. Way to go, E., I'm getting better at this interpretation stuff.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

My Wake-Up Call

click

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

My New Addiction

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Ahem.

I've been falling asleep in the middle of getting myself off. This is simultaneously too annoying and embarrassing for words.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I'm Waiting For My Life to Begin

Monday, September 13, 2010

Okay Fine These Guys Too

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Why The Fuck Are They Not Together Yet?

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Way to a Woman's Heart is Through Her--

Actually, I have no idea, but for me it's music. And there are certain albums that I will forever associate with certain people, either because something happened while an album was playing or his/her personality just suits the music perfectly. A sample, if you please:

1. Tonight - Franz Ferdinand

Ever since that infamous night in May, I've thought about you on-and-off all summer long, and no, or many, thanks to my mother) you contacted me last Saturday. Alas, I will be in Georgia until February. At least I still have this album to *@!#$%& to.

2. Show Your Bones - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

It's fast and youthful and rash and alive, all of which you are too. "Phenomena" in particular fits you very nicely, dear (mostly because your stereo was blasting this song as we sun-bathed on a grassy hillside.)

3. Arular - M.I.A.

Pretty straightforward. You recommended M.I.A. to me, I listened to her stuff, I decided it was good stuff, and now her debut album is forever tied up in you. She's noisy and experimental with a devil-may-care attitude. Reminds me of someone...

4. Like a Star - Corinne Bailey Rae

It's sweet and sentimental without being too cloying or sickly. The lyrics don't sync, but her voice and the mood certainly do. So yeah, every time I saw you this song came on in my head. Some day, man, some day.

5. Wowee Zowee - Pavement

This album is what I had wanted our relationship to be like--irreverent, light, and fun. And even though we've been done for a while now, I still listen to this album occasionally and wonder what we could have been had I not been so busy and distant.

~~~

Huh, this was an interesting post. I should do this more often.