Mad For This Show (season 5 premiere)

Mad Men Season 5 Episode 1
AAAAAHHH THIS SHOW I LOVES IT SO

what the hell Megan why are you wearing such a shit-ton of eye makeup

dude don youre such a dirty old man

Peggy youre still so constant and WITH ABE YES

Pete do I spy some neck/chin fat developing there ew

everyone’s hair is a lot more relaxed

Roger youre still a dick, never change

WHERE THE HELL IS BETTY

wow Sally your voice got DEEP (I approve)

JOAN JOAN JOAN JOAN MY LOVELY

lalalalalalalala this show is my everything

Do Shit List: Round #4363987

- 8 page ethnography due yesterday (whoops)

- response paper #6 due this week

- article precis due at some point but I should probably get on it (HAAA)

- do FAFSA; get back with financial aid people about rejecting loan documents (goddammit how many times do I have to say NO LOANS)

- review that dude's story whose story I said I'd review -__-'

- update smut fic

- apply for 9000+ summer internships/jerbs

Yeah that's about it. For now.

Ugggghhh spring semester why you always kick my ass--

Why I Haven't Been Keeping Up With My Posts

Party Tonight

Things I Expect From The Party:

- visiting the best friend in ATL

- not getting laid because my uterus despises me

- drunken dancing

- drama-rama-llama...?

- talking with people I don't know

***

Things I Don't Expect From The Party:

- getting any homework done (oops)

- getting laid (GODDAMMIT SHIT FUCK OWGSKUFSW)

***

On the bright side of not getting laid...

MASS EFFECT 3 COMING TOMORROW WHEN I GET BACK TO THE HOUSE AAAAAAHH

loose leaf

It's that time again in the spring semester where the doubts begin to creep at the edges of my thoughts. They're stubborn little things, so they'll take their time reaching me: slowly, gradually, inevitably. Silly me, I always try to shake them off in the beginning, so sure that this time, this year I'll beat the anxiety and finish spring term with solid grades. Naturally, this has not happened yet. I told you: in the beginning, the situation looks to be in my favor.

It is a tenuous grasp.

The confidence I parade around in the early months fades away completely after spring break. I'm left mentally drained, out of fucks and shits and cares to give for my academic career--and by extension, the rest of my adult working life. I mask the absence with false laughter and bold statements, insisting that my school work (and professors' regard) is of no importance. I let myself get sucked into my computer. I'm on the damn thing every day, every hour, pulling open blank Microsoft Word documents alongside forty different tabs on Google Chrome, all to convince myself that I'll finish that assignment, I'll finish that paper, right after I click this last link because it's only one more, and I'll be quick about it, I promise I promise.

Empty words.

My hold on reality weakens. The days pass by unnoticed, my calendar left unmarked. I skip classes, for weeks at a time if the downhill slide is bad enough. I am listless and floating. I am adrift. I do not always know where I am. I have fallen asleep. And when I finally awake, it is only to find that I have failed yet another class--and with it, another piece of myself gets locked away.

The truth of the matter is that I'm frightened. I can feel it happening all over again, and I still haven't figured out a way to break the cycle. Appointments with the counselor don't work, as I've belated discovered. Lectures from the parents fare no better. This is up to me. The ball is in my court.

For once, can I be brave enough to take some form of agency in my life?