Three Isn't Really a Crowd

I have 3 close friends, two of which I consider "best friends." Everyone else is divided into various categories such as Class Friends, Friendly Acquaintances, Meal-Time Buddies, and so on and so forth. Some Good Friends, a few Confidants, whatever. I don't consciously think of each person's friend label whenever I see him/her, but the rules of the category s/he belongs to are already implanted in my mind, filtering and controlling what I say to them, how I say it, for how long I stay talking to them, etc.

Occasionally, there will be a shifting of ranks; a girl from French class is promoted or a childhood friend in Georgia gets pushed down to another friend division. Demotions and parallel moves are more common than promotions. The transitions aren't abrupt, but subtly and unconsciously done. Sometimes I don't even realize it myself until long after the process has been completed. I know all of this sounds complicated, but it isn't, really. It's just hard to articulate what goes on in my head.

I almost never take on new Close Friends. I had been happy with one Best Friend for all four years of high school, and when she left, I managed to survive my senior year with my Very Good Friends. And then came college. I needed someone new, for this particular phase of my life. So I found two (and there was much rejoicing.) I'm not sure if people who know me are aware of the super-sneaky methods I use to select Potential Close Friends Or More. I won't go into details, but I usually drive all the candidates away by the time I decide to reveal my stranger habits. This is why I hardly ever change the ones I already have. I've invested too much at this point.

Alright, alright, I do have a point for this long-winded post: I simply feel lonely right now. I want to talk to someone (anyone), but the people whose voices I really want to hear are far away or busy. Sometimes I wish I had a million Close Friends whom I can text whenever I feel like it, call whenever I feel like it, and Facebook-stalk them without feeling sketchy.

Sometimes I wish I could make friends easily.