Crack-Pipe

Yeah apparently I've been smoking it because the two dreams I've had for the past two nights could only be induced by liberally smoking from the crack pipe. I'm talking drags that last forever, luxurious inhales that the mouth holds closed for several long seconds before releasing cracky smoke into the air. Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm smoking the crack pipe.

Dream 1: I'm with my mother, on a plane, on our way to a foreign land. Probably somewhere Asian. We land on somewhere Asianesque. There is frolicking. Then there are terrorists, and we are running from them. We don't run fast enough so they catch up to us, bind our hands and feet, and move us to an area under a major highway. Mother watches one of them masked men push me to my knees. My eyes stare at the ground. He puts a gun to my head and pulls the trigger. Instead of waking up, I stay dream-dead and rise up from my body as a ghost, observing the scene below as my mother screams and screams. ...the fuck brought THAT on?

Dream 2 (which is even worse in my opinion): I'm with Bieber-bitch, and his hand is way, way in there. I'm bouncing up and down, sorta-kinda enjoying the pumping while he stays fully clothed, which makes sense because I've never seen him naked, and I don't think I want to because the outlines of his shirts hint at a slim but nevertheless pudgy stomach pouch. Ick. Anyway, next thing I know, the dick is out and it's gi-fucking-normous, like I don't even know the fuck it's doing in my dream. He should be making a name for himself as a porn star, that's how big it was. Eventually, he comes on my stomach (SIGH), and I wipe that shit up. THEN THEN THEN his girlfriend shows up, and we try to lie only to that backfire on us surprise surprise, and she comes after me, and now we're running through a strip mall with multiple floors, but there isn't a chase song in the background which is rather disappointing because if I'm going to get pursued through a strip mall with multiple malls I want a soundtrack for it at the very least.

I remember more stuff happening, but the details have slipped my mind forever. I think it's better that way too.

God. And those are only the dreams. People, I haven't been a good, upstanding human being with morals lately. I mean even more so than usual.