I suppose you did break my heart.

Scattered

"We still have time. I want to see you as badly as you do me. I just don't want to be sick when I do it."

Well, time's running out. And I don't think you'll ever want to see me as badly as I want to see you.

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I want to hold your hand in public. Yep, that was an actual thought that formed today, and I came very close to dashing my head against the wall--for all the good that would have done. An entire mini-album of us in various compromising positions? Been there, done that. A single memory of an intimate, non-sexual touch in public? No. How do I ask that of you? I'm typically allergic to PDA, but here I am, longing for something so...small. My chest gets tight when I consider the very real possibility of not seeing you at all this month. I'd do anything right now for a guarantee that I can say goodbye in person before you move on the first.

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I'm not going to miss this.

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I'm going to miss you.

Marietta, Ga

IP Address: 209.179.66.81

Who are you?

I remember every person to whom I've given this blog link. You, however, I can't seem to recall.

Playlist

1. Like a Star - Corinne Bailey Rae
2. Glory Box - Portishead
3. Do I Wanna Know - Arctic Monkeys
4. Weathered - Jane Weaver
5. Pink Matter (feat. Andre 3000) - Frank Ocean
6. Daisy - Brand New
7. Fantasy Man - The Swell Season
8. Volcano - Damien Rice
9. Night Diving - Thrice
10. One For the Road - Arctic Monkeys

Bonus: Fin - Pavement

Sigh

I'm going to spend the next 4 weeks oscillating between being okay with him moving away and not being okay with him moving away.

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In the end we're just too incompatible. My temperament's pretty much the opposite of his. But I knew it. I knew he felt something. You don't have that kind of intense sex with someone without feelings on both sides.

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Let this go. Let this go. Fucking let this go and be a healthy person dammit.

The Talk

"There are several reasons why we could not work out as a couple:

 

1) you live quite far away, and meeting you regularly would be a big challenge.

2) You are in a completely different place in your life. You have a lot that you seem to want to change, which is great for you. But I can't see myself dating someone who doesn't take control of her life to make necessary changes.

3) This entire dialogue has been one of the biggest reasons I don't think we'd work. You overthink things in my opinion, and I tend to be a lot more relaxed as a rule. I feel on edge when I talk to you, because I never know if I might say something that you'll bring up in a conversation 6 months down the road that bothered you or made you think X, Y or Z.

 

In general, what I need in a partner is someone who has her shit figured out, and someone who can make me feel calm and relaxed. I don't know that these things would exist with the two of us.

 

You are extremely smart, capable, and self-aware. Much moreso than I was at your age to be sure. And I admire all of those things. I also find you extremely attractive, as you know.

 

But those things would only go so far in a relationship."

 

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I can't say I vehemently disagree with any of those things. 

A Text Message

He got the job in Tennessee. I suppose all that's left is to wait for him to tell me he's moving. Then we'll drop off contact, and can forget all about each other.

Yes. This should be what I want.