Excuses, Excuses

Dear Professor [xxxxx],

Please do not email me anymore whenever I have not sent a paper to you on the day that it is due. Please do not ask me where I have been if I was not in class that day. Please do not inquire about my mental or physical health if I have not been present all week. If you ask all these questions, you see, it would imply that you care about me outside class which is a possibility I find both unfathomable and unsettling. If you care, that would mean you are real, that you could continue sending email after email that I will purposefully ignore time after time but will not delete. Eventually, my inbox will be too full, and I will have to read your requests. Your inquiries. Your questions.

So please, do not ask questions because I can only give you excuses--feebly, fumbling, failing excuses. And I do not want that.